"Do not oppose. Opposition is dangerous to immortality.
Rather let the wrong just be a drop in the ocean of your virtue... when you forgive, all nature enjoys your brilliance and returns joy to you. We are not in a position to criticize anything. We are only in a position to adore everything, love everything, encourage everyone; take it as it comes, go ahead, run fast, evolve, enjoy." ~Maharishi Mahesh Yogi, Power of Silence We really are here to enjoy our lives. However this time of year can trigger old emotional wounds. As we mature we begin to find our authentic self in our early adult years, often away from our immediate family. They are not always a witness to our transformations, in turn we are not there to see the changes in our siblings and parents. As a result, when we come together for family holidays, we can easily fall back into our old patterns of behavior, excluding our authentic self, because of unresolved issues. These gatherings may even become volatile with arguments about who did what to whom years and years ago. If we didn't grow up in a family that taught us good communication skills and we don't adopt healthy communication tools as adults we simply fall back into the the same old patterns. There are also the roles we have been 'assigned' to play in our family which we may fall back into because we don't feel comfortable exposing our true self for fear of rejection or ridicule. Even when we do stand firm in our authentic self it may cause others to be uncomfortable because they don't know how to deal with this 'new' person. So,.... how do we create loving relationships with so much baggage? By practicing forgiveness toward ourselves and others. ~~~~~~~~~~ A meditation on forgiveness: Sit quietly taking deep breaths for a few moments. Bring a memory forward of something that seems to haunt your family gatherings. As you begin to remember notice how your body feels. Do you tense up in your chest, or stomach, or shoulders, or,....? If so breath deeply and relax those areas of your body and remind yourself that you are safe and that you are in the now. The memory is past and does not need to be played out again. What are your emotions around the memory? Does it cause sadness, anger, shame, fear,...? Simply observe those emotions without becoming involved in them and again breath deeply and relax into the memory reminding yourself that you are well, you are safe. Can you see the perpetrator(s) as human? Someone who may also be afraid, may have been misunderstood, someone who is dealing with life's emotions too,...? Can you relate to them? Can you allow yourself to feel compassion toward them,. ..? Again take a few deep breaths and relax into your feelings without getting involved with those emotions. Simply observing the story and the emotions. No judgements, no involvement. Finally allow yourself to forgive the person(s) and tell yourself that you can now let go of your pain, anger, sadness.... If you don't feel you can forgive just yet then practice compassion by viewing them as a fellow human (not a parent or sibling etc). Remind yourself that we are all doing the best we can and that none of us is perfect. You may want to pray for them to find peace so as not to continue with their destructive behavior. Take a few more deep breaths and sit quietly listening only to your breath as you let go of your attachment to this memory. When you're ready, remind yourself that you are happy, you are peaceful, you are at ease, and gently re-enter your day. ~~~~~~~~~~ Taking a peaceful stance; putting up boundaries, walking away, saying no and practicing forgiveness are all loving ways to respond to negative behavior that we want to put to rest. We should also remind ourselves that this time of year can be exceptionally difficult for those who suffer from seasonal depression disorder and other forms of depression and mental or emotional illnesses. Being aware of this fact can also help us be more patient with people. We really never know what it's like to walk in someone else's shoes. ....."And by resting in a non-contentious heart we become a lamp, a medicine, a strong presence; we become the healing the world so dearly needs." - Jack Kornfield *Joanie Lane is a Meditation Teacher, Reiki Master/Teacher, Spiritual & Life Coach, and Healing Movement Qigong Leader. She lives in Kelseyville, Ca. at her meditation center "A Positive Light". For more information visit her website at apositivelight.com **These are original writings by Joanie. Any quotes by others that have been included have been identified.
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