Most of us go through life seeking. Seeking love, or happiness through others or sometimes our addictions. But we never seem to fill that hole or that lack that we carry. As if we aren't enough. As if we aren't quite whole. So we look for something to fill that emptiness that is often caused by this feeling we carry of unworthiness or not being enough.
I've noticed the new addiction of media. Going to a park I see young parents staring at their phone texting, playing games. Sometimes talking on their phone while missing out on their child's life. Many parents sit their children in front of a television or computer, even if it is educational television or computer games, and then spend their time doing the same thing. When we do this as parents we are doing several different harmful things to ourselves, our children and our other relationships. First of all we are separating from the now through electronics. It can be a simple distraction for a bit but it often becomes more of an addiction and attachment, which creates a gap in our relationships. Secondly we could be causing our children to feel unimportant or unloved creating a feeling of unworthiness, a hole in their soul that they may, in later years, try to fill with alcohol or drugs or food or whatever addiction. There are many new studies being done on the harm that computer screens may have on the developing brain and a link to teenagers and schizophrenia due to some computer games. Third, we are probably starving our personal relationship with our partner if we are spending more time on our devices rather than having meaningful and thoughtful conversation with our partner. By using a device as a means of avoidance we cannot mend any fences that need mending in the relationship and the feelings of defeat or lack of self worth grow in us and in our partner. Media can be a good source of information, communication and entertainment. But it can become a distraction from life. Your life, which is short and fleeting as is your time with your children. They grow up and leave home. Your spouse or partner may also leave or you may leave them seeking the deep relationship we all crave but did not create because we gave away our time to media. *Joanie Lane is a Meditation Teacher, Reiki Master/Teacher, Spiritual & Life Coach, and Healing Movement Qigong Leader. She lives in Kelseyville, Ca. at her meditation center "A Positive Light". For more information visit her website at apositivelight.com or her blog site at Joanielane.com **These are original writings by Joanie. Any quotes by others that have been included have been identified.
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Heraclitus, a Greek philosopher, is quoted as saying "change is the only constant in life." Change is something we either deny or embrace. But it still exists whether we like it or not.
My grandfather's tractor is still parked in his chicken house (now void of chickens) because he kept it running one way or another. It was the simple fact that we couldn't afford to buy something new that would prompt us to make or fix things with our own hands. We were resourceful and were taught to never waste. "They just don't make 'em like they used to" is a very apt adage when referring to my generation. Things were truly made to last when I was a kid. But times change. Eventually the manufacturers figured out that things must break in order to keep selling them and make a profit. And in a capitalist country that's what it's all about. But can capitalism last forever? Eventually it becomes top heavy and falls. (Insert argument with my high school economics teacher here) Does communism really work? It seems to me categorizing and controlling people goes against the human need to explore and expand mentally, physically and spiritually. And fascism offers the same problems. So what's left in a democratic society? Some would argue that democracy is dead in this country. Personally I think it's gotten pretty beat up but it's still here. In my generation many of us were taught that socialism and communism go hand in hand. But this is not necessarily true. Especially when we are talking about democratic socialism. The meaning of the word social is "as a society". And we are a society of citizens of the United States. With rights and privileges that many other countries are not afforded. And we should never abandon those freedoms. Witnessing the last political election, handing over of the office, powers and responsibilities that go along with it, made it clear to me; approximately half the people in this country are desperately grasping to hold on to the past. The irrational grasping for a by-gone era is inevitable in a country (and world) in transition. But we cannot move backward any more than we can put rain drops back in the clouds, we will move forward into a new era of unknowns, like it or not. These unknowns, as all unknowns, provoke fear. Fear tends to increase the insecurities and our grasping turns into panic as though we are falling over a waterfall, to what? I believe we already know. The transition into a global economy is inevitable. Change can mean upheaval to some degree, and there will be differences in opinion on exactly "how" to move forward. Some have mentally reverted back to a time where, in their mind, America was great and are trying to go back to those social rules and boundaries causing the hard work of women's suffrage, equal rights for people of color and the advances in the general health of the planet, (and much more) to backslide. Creating more fear, more frustration and more work to find our way back to even ground. The pendulum has swung far to the right and as history has shown us it will swing back to the left. As a Buddhist practitioner I see this as a fabulous opportunity to practice the middle way. History has also shown us that neither extreme will work. Only finding a middle way through open minded compromise and listening to each side with an open and compassionate heart will we find a way to move forward. Like playing tug of war with a rope one side is always pulled unwillingly to the other. But what happens when both sides stop pulling? The rope goes slack and each side can come together and find a way to bring our country, its economy, and the people, all the people, gently into this new era. When fear takes hold of us we react in fight or flight or go into a state of denial where we refuse to accept what is. But we need not be ruled by fear. In the face of injustice our denial is most often expressed in the form of anger. Fortunately anger is not always expressed in violence. We can temper our anger with compassion and give ourselves the ability to rise above the injustice with virtuous strength. Using compassion toward ourselves for feeling angry, and compassion toward the oppressor and the oppressed allows us the opportunity to see all sides without violence,opening a door to solutions. With the cohesion of anger softened by compassion we allow the flexibility to change rather than the hard line of ultimatum. Realistically we will never all agree. But we can find a way to peacefully disagree while we work things through. The countries of this world have given us many history lessons over the millennia and hopefully we have learned a great deal. How we choose to move forward into a new era will be unstable at first. Like a newborn calf standing on wobbly legs. Yet we know we can stand with strength and on solid ground, if we stand together with compassionate and open hearts. *Joanie Lane is a Meditation Teacher, Reiki Master/Teacher, Spiritual & Life Coach, and Healing Movement Qigong Leader. She lives in Kelseyville, Ca. at her meditation center "A Positive Light". For more information visit her website at apositivelight.com **These are original writings by Joanie. Any quotes by others that have been included have been identified. I always chuckle to myself when I see commercials or emails that start their advertisement with "Last Chance!" then the message goes on to say you will miss an opportunity to buy or do something at "the lowest price of the year". Then later in the week or even the next day I see another ad by the same company saying that this time the price is even lower than before! I conclude, at this rate if I wait long enough, whatever it is will soon be free!
The thing is, even if we don't get something we think we want, we really do get second chances, third, fourth, and fifth chances and so on. It just comes to us in another form. There are those who say that when something doesn't work out for us, whether it's a job we were hoping for or a certain love interest, if it didn't work out it wasn't meant to be. As if we have a pre-destined life. This may be true. But what is definitely true is that if something didn't work out for us, it simply didn't work out for us. And acceptance of the situation is what sets us free from suffering. All the should have, would have, could have, and if onlys keep us in a state of suffering. Wishing for something to be any way that it isn't only causes sadness, anger and frustration none of which are warm and fuzzy feelings. We say we strive for satisfaction and happiness yet we tend to yearn for things we can't have. If we simply look at what we have and find appreciation in it we will find that we truly, at every moment in time, have everything we need. Even right now, as you read this, you have everything you need to survive. And if you look deeply you may find that it is up to you and how you view life that is the key to happiness. "......Now, it seems to me some fine things Have been laid upon your table, But you only want the ones that you can't get." ~ Glenn Frey, Don Henley You have the power to change your perspective of happiness if you apply these simple suggestions; Just for today, practice being happy with what you have. Find something to appreciate and be grateful for in all that you see and do. *Joanie Lane is a Meditation Teacher, Reiki Master/Teacher, Spiritual & Life Coach, and Healing Movement Qigong Leader. She lives in Kelseyville, Ca. at her meditation center "A Positive Light". For more information visit her website at apositivelight.com **These are original writings by Joanie. Any quotes by others that have been included have been identified. So many times we hear or read statements like: "Every day we are given a new opportunity to begin again with a clear sense of purpose."
But what can this really mean to us? Let's look deeply into the possibilities that this phrase presents to us: "At any given time we are only one decision away from changing our life entirely." This is an extremely powerful statement! Upon the deathbed I've heard people say, "if I could only have another day, another chance at life,... the things I would say and do...." Because even being given one more day holds the hope of potential. And given this sense of potential for another chance at life we are opened up to step in ANY direction and make something new and fresh happen with our life. On New Year's Day we traditionally begin with a new intention for ourselves. "Here's a chance to make some real changes" we think. And we say our resolutions with every intention of pulling it off. Of succeeding in making the big changes which will lead to our happiness. Or at least a bit closer to the happy life we envision for ourselves. But here's the rub, we often carry the "old" life and all it's trappings with us into the "new". How can we begin with a clean slate if we start with the old messy one from last year? It's like we put all of our garbage into a container, put a lid on it, and drag it into our new year and our clean intentions. Then, as we begin to put our new life into action, we kick the lid off the can (because it's filled with every comfortable old friend that we're used to) and allow it to spill all over our clean slate. It may be a bit at a time, but before we know it we see that a fat trail of muck from our past is following us and is beginning to swallow us up. It's depressing and disappointing and so we give up and say we will try again in a month, maybe spring time, or in the summer, or fall! - fall is always a great time to start! But it just gets too big and we find ourselves not only back to our old routines but now we are beating ourselves up for what we feel we failed in. So, the solution? I suggest we start with Mindfulness meditation because when we learn how to be mindful in meditation we learn to become mindful in our daily life. Mindful of how we walk through the day. Mindful of the negatives that we want to drop from our lives and mindful of the positives that we want to add. In this way we can be gentle with ourselves and begin slowly, treating ourselves with compassion when we find that we fall into our old routines. And we can begin again and again in each new moment. There's a saying in Alcoholics Anonymous-"It will take time to clear away the wreckage. Though old buildings will eventually be replaced by finer ones, the new structures will take years to complete.” And we do this "One day at a time". Little by little we begin to see that by practicing Mindfulness with an open heart toward ourselves we make the small changes that lead to the bigger changes. Eventually we leave the clutter and garbage of our past behind and step into the openness of the beauty that was always there in front of us. We just couldn't see it through all the muck we held onto. “When I stopped living in the problem and began living in the answer, the problem went away.” - The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous Wishing each of you positive changes during this new year. May you view each moment as a potential to step in ANY direction to make something new and fresh happen in your life. *Joanie Lane is a Meditation Teacher, Reiki Master/Teacher, Spiritual & Life Coach, and Healing Movement Qigong Leader. She lives in Kelseyville, Ca. at her meditation center "A Positive Light". For more information visit her website at apositivelight.com **These are original writings by Joanie. Any quotes by others that have been included have been identified. |