"Do not oppose. Opposition is dangerous to immortality.
Rather let the wrong just be a drop in the ocean of your virtue... when you forgive, all nature enjoys your brilliance and returns joy to you. We are not in a position to criticize anything. We are only in a position to adore everything, love everything, encourage everyone; take it as it comes, go ahead, run fast, evolve, enjoy." ~Maharishi Mahesh Yogi, Power of Silence We really are here to enjoy our lives. However this time of year can trigger old emotional wounds. As we mature we begin to find our authentic self in our early adult years, often away from our immediate family. They are not always a witness to our transformations, in turn we are not there to see the changes in our siblings and parents. As a result, when we come together for family holidays, we can easily fall back into our old patterns of behavior, excluding our authentic self, because of unresolved issues. These gatherings may even become volatile with arguments about who did what to whom years and years ago. If we didn't grow up in a family that taught us good communication skills and we don't adopt healthy communication tools as adults we simply fall back into the the same old patterns. There are also the roles we have been 'assigned' to play in our family which we may fall back into because we don't feel comfortable exposing our true self for fear of rejection or ridicule. Even when we do stand firm in our authentic self it may cause others to be uncomfortable because they don't know how to deal with this 'new' person. So,.... how do we create loving relationships with so much baggage? By practicing forgiveness toward ourselves and others. ~~~~~~~~~~ A meditation on forgiveness: Sit quietly taking deep breaths for a few moments. Bring a memory forward of something that seems to haunt your family gatherings. As you begin to remember notice how your body feels. Do you tense up in your chest, or stomach, or shoulders, or,....? If so breath deeply and relax those areas of your body and remind yourself that you are safe and that you are in the now. The memory is past and does not need to be played out again. What are your emotions around the memory? Does it cause sadness, anger, shame, fear,...? Simply observe those emotions without becoming involved in them and again breath deeply and relax into the memory reminding yourself that you are well, you are safe. Can you see the perpetrator(s) as human? Someone who may also be afraid, may have been misunderstood, someone who is dealing with life's emotions too,...? Can you relate to them? Can you allow yourself to feel compassion toward them,. ..? Again take a few deep breaths and relax into your feelings without getting involved with those emotions. Simply observing the story and the emotions. No judgements, no involvement. Finally allow yourself to forgive the person(s) and tell yourself that you can now let go of your pain, anger, sadness.... If you don't feel you can forgive just yet then practice compassion by viewing them as a fellow human (not a parent or sibling etc). Remind yourself that we are all doing the best we can and that none of us is perfect. You may want to pray for them to find peace so as not to continue with their destructive behavior. Take a few more deep breaths and sit quietly listening only to your breath as you let go of your attachment to this memory. When you're ready, remind yourself that you are happy, you are peaceful, you are at ease, and gently re-enter your day. ~~~~~~~~~~ Taking a peaceful stance; putting up boundaries, walking away, saying no and practicing forgiveness are all loving ways to respond to negative behavior that we want to put to rest. We should also remind ourselves that this time of year can be exceptionally difficult for those who suffer from seasonal depression disorder and other forms of depression and mental or emotional illnesses. Being aware of this fact can also help us be more patient with people. We really never know what it's like to walk in someone else's shoes. ....."And by resting in a non-contentious heart we become a lamp, a medicine, a strong presence; we become the healing the world so dearly needs." - Jack Kornfield *Joanie Lane is a Meditation Teacher, Reiki Master/Teacher, Spiritual & Life Coach, and Healing Movement Qigong Leader. She lives in Kelseyville, Ca. at her meditation center "A Positive Light". For more information visit her website at apositivelight.com **These are original writings by Joanie. Any quotes by others that have been included have been identified.
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In order to begin to create a life of happiness, one must first observe their thoughts and become aware of how they are approaching their life. Because, as we already know, we are a result of all the pictures we've painted of ourselves. But we often forget that we can always paint new ones.
The term "how we approach our lives" is an apt one. We really are our thoughts, and looking at our lives as something to "approach" helps us to see that we have choices. We can choose different paths, different approaches, different outlooks, and we can always take a turn in a new direction if the path we're on isn't taking us to a place of fulfillment, contentment, or satisfaction. When we find ourselves getting sucked into the drama of negative talk and negative actions we are adding to the unhappiness of the world and to our life. Anything that gets in the way of your happiness is yours and yours alone. You have the choice to throw that thought away, morph it into something empowering or paint over the canvas with a new vision. We have the choice to create any world we want to live in. If we feel stuck in a world that isn't going the way we want it to, then we may need to simply accept what IS and move in another direction of thought and form. "Envisioning has enormous power. With our vision and imagination we can help create the future. Envisioning sets our direction, marshals our resources, makes the un-manifest possible." ~ Jack Kornfield Each week I receive emails asking my counsel on how to deal with life issues such as struggling with frustration, anger, disappointment and so on. I too deal with these issues and this is when I remind myself that life just IS. It just moves along. And the ONLY thing I can change is my attitude toward it. Attitude is something we do have control over. It simply comes down to choices. Choices on how we view any given situation. We have the choice to see something as an opportunity for growth and change - or we can give in to feelings of anger, hopelessness and defeat. Life is full of opportunities. Opportunities for us to peacefully make our voices heard to change injustices, opportunities to choose kindness over anger, opportunities to visualize positive changes and put them into action. But it takes practice. We have been reacting to life for so long that we do so out of habit, and changing that habit takes effort and commitment. It seems that committing to happiness, committing to loving behavior and committing to making the positive changes in the world that we need to live happily can seem so foreign to us that we don't even know where to begin. If we begin each day by reminding ourselves that we only have this day and "I am going to make it a great day". That "no one can take this from me if I don't let them", then we have begun to make the changes in how we approach our life. And from that we make the choices to love rather than hate, to demonstrate FOR peaceful solutions rather than against something, to see the positives in each other and overlook the short-comings, to paint over the pictures of our past creating new beauty in our lives. And in doing these things, by making these choices, we change the world with each individual we meet and with each stroke of our brush. *Joanie Lane is a Meditation Teacher, Reiki Master/Teacher, Spiritual & Life Coach, and Healing Movement Qigong Leader. She lives in Kelseyville, Ca. at her meditation center "A Positive Light". For more information visit her website at apositivelight.com **These are original writings by Joanie. Any quotes by others that have been included have been identified. "It is not possible
To control all external events But, if I simply control my mind, What need is there to control other things?" —Shantideva For me the positive aspect of social media is that I can see in what direction people's thoughts are generally going. Since this last election there appears to be a split in this country (and perhaps the world) where there is an "us" and "them" mentality. And regardless of your political affiliation we are living in a time of great change. Uncertainty can cause a great deal of stress and it is important that we choose loving behavior toward each other as our response. Please indulge me by letting me tell you a story; For nearly 20 years I worked in mortgage banking as an Underwriter. When I began my career as an Underwriter I was hired to do so not only because I have a naturally logical and analytical mind but also because I have a high standard of morals. I was raised to work hard for everything I wanted in my life and was taught the small-town mindset of lending a hand where needed. For me helping a couple buy their first home was the most enjoyable part of my job. And making sure I didn't put them in a financially precarious situation was paramount in my decision of approving their loan. I knew they deserved the chance to begin a life together earning and saving and planning for their future, most likely with children, braces, pets, college etc. What we used to refer to as "The American Dream". I will spare you the ugly details of the fraud and corruption I witnessed. Let's just say that there is a reason the floor fell from under the house of cards that was created. And my naive moral code and outlook on honesty took a real beating. I was depressed, angry, disappointed and disgusted in the greed that seemed to be in this and every other industry I considered as an alternative career. ~~~ When these difficult situations come up we have clear choices on the direction in which we decide how to approach our lives. In my case, using my years of study in Meditation - Buddhism - Reiki and Qigong, I created a meditation center where I could offer peaceful alternatives to the negativity in our society that can at times be overwhelming. I opened this center with the intention to teach positivity to help change the world, one person at a time. How do we find equanimity and balance in times of stress and uncertainty? By practicing peaceful teachings. Whether those are the peaceful teaching of Christ, or Buddha or Mohammad. Cultivating compassion, exercising patience, allowing what IS to simply exist without getting caught up in the emotional turbulence of others. By cultivating an equanimous mind, even the most irrational behaviors of others do not effect our well-being. "This is your world. Plant seeds of goodness and water them everywhere. Then blessings will grow for yourself and for all." ~Jack Kornfield *Joanie Lane is a Meditation Teacher, Reiki Master/Teacher, Spiritual & Life Coach, and Healing Movement Qigong Leader. She lives in Kelseyville, Ca. at her meditation center "A Positive Light". For more information visit her website at apositivelight.com **These are original writings by Joanie. Any quotes by others that have been included have been identified. I suppose it seems silly to think we may want to be mindful of pain. As if we are keeping pain in the forefront of our thoughts. So when I talk about being present to your pain I'm not asking that you sit and concentrate on how much pain you're in. What I am suggesting is, rather than fight it or try to get rid of it or search endlessly for a cure, instead - look at your pain. Observe it, embrace it and begin to accept it. This does not mean you need to hold onto pain and never release it. But by accepting it as factual in the present moment we are not hiding from it. And we can remind ourselves that, with the exception of chronic pain, it is temporary and we can relax a bit knowing that. There are different kinds of pain. Some pain is emotional such as grief; loss or rejection or disappointment. And some pain is physical. When I think back to when I began my meditation practice I would sit in such discomfort. I remember how much my back or my knees would begin to ache and I would think,"how am I ever going to do meditation with this annoying pain?" But my teacher suggested I sit with the pain and breathe and relax into it. To become curious about it. Also to try to pinpoint the pain to see if I could find the exact spot on my knee that hurt. By simply accepting the pain instead of shifting my body around looking for a comfortable position, I noticed that by breathing into the pain and looking for the exact location of it the pain became elusive. It seemed to wander and I found myself chasing it around to different parts of my knee. This was the beginning of my training with being mindful of pain. Without the goal of getting rid of the pain. Simply developing a curiosity to the pain, observing and accepting it. What about emotional pain? During stages of grief we can be mindful of our reactions to it without judgement. Simply observe the grief as it arises and allow ourselves to go through the waves of grief that carry us off. We may find ourselves getting caught up in our grief where it can begin to feel like an anchor around our neck, pulling us down where we drown a bit in the pain of loss. And in awareness of this we can cry and purge our anger, fear or sadness through tears. Accepting it and knowing that this pain is temporary. The Dalai Lama calls crying the cleansing of our soul. Chronic pain: For most of us this is the most difficult to deal with. There are those who suffer pain every day from an injury or illness. This is something that is more likely to not be temporary. And something that requires a very open heart towards ourselves. Those who say that they learn to live with it actually report not being in as much pain because they have accepted it as part of their life. Normally when we are in constant physical pain our brains go into overdrive searching for a way to relieve the pain. But when there is no cure we must accept our pain and care for it. We can do this through compassionate mindfulness. We can ask ourselves how we're talking to ourselves. It's easy to find ourselves berating our bodies for "doing this to us". We may become angry that we are unable to do some of the things we used to do. And this kind of thinking adds stress which may cause more pain, suffering and even depression. In addition to being mindful of how we speak to ourselves we can also be aware of how we use and hold our body. Doing a mental body scan can help us become aware of where we may be tensing up causing us to exacerbate the problem. Gentle yoga, deep breathing and relaxing meditation can be a tremendous help. We learn to hold our bodies with a loving heart without criticism and in a state of curiosity which opens us to acceptance which in turns opens us to observe the pain without the negative thoughts that we might internalize. We can find through mindfulness that our curiosity about pain actually allows us to see that the pain is not necessarily constant. That it has different intensities and at times may be barely evident. We may notice that the intense pain doesn't necessarily last all day. There are times when it subsides and we can notice that there are peaks and valleys to pain. From this we can live in the awareness of the times when the pain is not so intense and appreciate those moments. We can also notice when the pain is more intense and care for ourselves by intentionally taking deep breaths and letting go of any tension we may be holding as a result of being in pain. There are hospitals and clinics that offer Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction classes that are designed specifically for chronic pain. Acceptance, curiosity, self compassion, a loving gentle heart, breathing deeply, mental body scans and even distractions can all be beneficial to dealing with pain. "Aging, sickness and death are suffering. Loss, grief, and despair are suffering. To lose what you love is suffering. To be with the undesired is suffering." —Buddha *Joanie Lane is a Meditation Teacher, Reiki Master/Teacher, Spiritual & Life Coach, and Healing Movement Qigong Leader. She lives in Kelseyville, Ca. at her meditation center "A Positive Light". For more information visit her website at apositivelight.com **These are original writings by Joanie. Any quotes by others that have been included have been identified. |